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10.22.2005
Family Reunion
Today was the family reunion for my grandmother's side of the fam, and I had so much fun! I'd always hoped that one day my fam would do something like that because I am so interested in learning about my family tree. Today I learned about new bloodlines and saw some cousins I hadn't seen since I was a kid! I just had this incredibly peaceful feeling all day as I hung with my immediate fam and met and/or got re-aquainted with extended fam. We ate, we laughed, we cried....yes, I cried, but only after my aunt pulled out a picture of my grandmother from 1976. She looked so much like my mom and I, and I just stared @ the pic like "man, I miss you!" I was kind've embarassed cause it was like one sec I was coo and the next I was holdin my face in my hands while my aunt was huggin me and tryin to make me laugh. She did. =)
The coolest part though, was when my cousin Felipe put up a powerpoint slide show of all these old black and white photos of my grandmother's generation of relatives. It was so coo to see pics of my aunts and uncles in old fifties and sixties fashion, and to see all the old style cars and the way my city looked back then. I took pics and observed older relatives laughin, gettin a lil embarassed by their baby pics, crying, hugging, and smiling. It was great.
Another cool thing I found out is that my cousin is the supervisor for the art department of our local newspaper! My mom told him how I was going to school for graphics and how I draw and what not, so he and I exchanged email addys cause he's interested in showing me all these new programs! Woohoo!
Alright, well that's all for now. I hope you guys had a great Saturday! Posted at 09:26 pm by 
10.18.2005
Ever felt...
...like:
It's time for some raw emotion
No longer will I hold back for the discretion of others.
No longer will I smother
my real thoughts and solely expose their
sugar coated versions.
This is my raw emotion
of who I love and who I can't stand.
Check which end of the scale you sit in,
and make a decision to get out or stay in
cause I'm limiting my circle of friends
I'm droppin' a potion of emotion
so you can see who I really am.
Raising my right hand
with my left on The Book,
verbal veracious shit is about to hit the fan.
I'm taking the tape off my soul
and un filtering my tongue
from
exposing your fake sincerity conundrum.
I'm getting tired of the same old same old and it's boring me
Should've cut some folx off at the start of things.
Like,
I'm in love with an idea of love in the shape of a man.
Only one of a few I can count on one hand.
But I keep 'em all at bay, cause although I'm a flirt
I've made it crystal clear...right now I just don't want a man.
And ain't nothin you can say to change it.
Your "skills" won't work on me, so face it.
Cause I'm
Head strong and I won't fall off track,
but should I trip up, I got my own damn back.
Cause ain't none of y'all as close to me as you like to claim to be.
Just want the title that you're "someone special to me."
But everyone has a limit and you've proved it several times
cause when I needed you the most, you didn't have that time.
Steady crackin' jokes when all I wanted was to reflect my shine
as I
tried to tell my story
but if you find that boring you,
then don't come back when YOU need someone talk to.
Cause you are a part of that...same old same old,
Stagnant conversations that I no longer care to hold
so if you think this about you,
then you what the hell to do,
Release me, cause I'm about to release you.
...like:
I got a crush on you
and I sit and listen to you as you
read me poems and perform rhymes written for your girl.
the girl I wish I was
not to be her,
but just to be in her shoes,
cause she's got you
in a different way than I do.
Please don't think I don't cherish what we DO have
but you have all the things
I want a man of mine TO have.
Though it's so much fun being your friend,
I can't help but wonder what could be
if we
moved to the edge and crossed that line,
what would change, what would remain the same,
in what kinds of ways would I see you then,
If now I feel I could fall in love with a friend?
But maybe I am in love with you AS my friend,
and my man
you could never be
cause you see things in her that you don't see in me.
And I'm left to accept the situation,
it's not as hard as I thought it would be
cause I still got you here
in a way that others don't get to be.
...or like:
Both? Or maybe one right after the other? Maybe one spawns the other? I tell you though, the second one is actually much harder, cause it's so easy to tell someone you're not interested in to kiss off, than it is keep your feelings for someone from manifesting into something you might not be able to handle. I can handle it though.....at least I think I can. Apologies to Mista. I'll get over it, because something is so much better than nothing. Lets get silly cause we're upi like that. X's and O's.
I just got imed from someone I'd been missin and he got me being all silly again. I love people like that, because I'm too much of a nerd to let life(or myself) get me too serious too often. I think people enjoy me more when I'm a goofball anyway, and I most definitely enjoy myself more too. LOL Laughter really is the best medicine.
Posted at 10:05 pm by
10.17.2005
Raw Emotion
"I've been here before, it always ends the same. You don't live my life, and I could never change."
Take Me - Rhythm
I chose that lyric because I find it fitting to certain situations...and yet not. Some might say that I've changed..but it isn't so much that I've changed, I've just decided to no longer inhibit my thoughts for the discression of others. And now that I am doing so....some people don't like it. I don't feel guilty though. I'm just telling them now what I should've called them on months ago, or no longer accepting things I silently accepted to keep peace. I can't just keep making people happy if it is hindering my own happiness, so I'm not going to anymore. I'm not going to just deal with things I don't care for. I've decided to put my cards on the table and if people don't like my hand, then that's something they have to deal with, and I'll have to accept the consequences. So with those kind of stakes, don't think I'm bluffing or making haste decisions. I know what I'm doing, and it's probably not the first time I've thought about doing/saying what it is I've done/said. *shrugs* what can I say..I gotta be me..the real me who was getting hidden under a cloak of kindness, sweetness, selflessness, and the like. I'm still all those things but not at the cost of myself. Dig?
I'm growing as an individual. My soul is growing and opening my eyes and heart to a lot of things I was seeing through thick clouds. I'm growing up and becoming more independent, and while doing so, I noticed I was letting myself fall into similar situations that in the past only produced negative results, but I've already resolved and am in the process of resolving or dissolving those relationships. Yes...relationships..as in people. Topic closed.
I am gaining momentum. I will get there. And that means every place, thing and person that "there" is referring to. So walk with me.....or step aside.
Peace.Posted at 03:38 pm by
9.24.2005
God Mommy Soul
Welp! T oday is the day I become my nephew's God Mother. I'm so excited! My first Godchild is my first nephew! And since the hurricane moved east, it looks to be a beautiful day. The weatherman just said that we won't even be getting ANY rain. That's a damn trip, but great news for my hair. LOL. I CUT it yesterday. YUP! It was down to my waist, and now it's right below my shoulder blades. I LOVE how it looks, and wanted to take a pic, but I turned in my cam for repairs on Wednesday. Gonna take 4-6 weeks to fix or 4-8 weeks if they have to replace it. Grr. Oh yeah, I got my LOVE tattoo yesterday as well! It was a spontaneous thing. Everytime I would put on my gloves at work, my right wrist just looked so naked. So yesterday I said if I get out of work by 2pm, then I would head over to get it done before my hair appt @ 4. And that's exactly how it happened. =D I'll see if my bro brings his digi cam today and if so, I'll take some pics of my lil tats. LOL
Okay, I know that paragraph probably just sounds like a whole lot of rambling, but I don't have time to proof read! I've got a lot to do before 12:30, so I have GOT TO GOOOOOOOOOO!
***Thanks to everyone who had me and my city in prayer. Much love to y'all..and continue prayin til the storm is DONE.
~Faith & Love~ Posted at 09:26 am by
9.21.2005
Unreal
Today was goin pretty good: I was gonna make an hour of overtime, then head to the mall to drop off my cam, then off to Papa Bear's to get with the 401K-ing. Well, right around the end of my work day, my mom turned on the news in the breakroom to see a live report from the Mayor talking about stockin up on water and flashlights and what not. As if that wasn't bad enough, employees started walking in, each telling what they heard on the news....all bad. My co-worker was trying to maintain the idea that yes, we should prepare, but it shouldn't hit us that bad, but now I'm not so sure.
I went to Walmart before my step-dads to pick-up bottled water, flashlights, batteries and sandwhich fixings. So far, things at the store seemed normal. I got to his house and we handled the 401K and watched the news while eating dinner. Things just sounding worse and worse, but still I'm coo and trying to maintain calming thoughts so I don't have a panic attack or something. I got my things to go, and at that point, my only concern was my little brother crying and begging me to stay cause he didn't want me to leave. I try to explain how I have to go and I thought be bought it cause he seemed coo...then when I closed the door to the car, he ran to my step-dad crying. My poor baby.
While I was in the car, I called you, but your mom said you weren't there. I just wanted to talk to you so you could make me laugh and get me to stop thinking about things. I wondered if she was telling the truth..or keeping you from me. =\
I got home and tried to chill for a few but the news just kept poppin up. My mom called and said that my dad went to get water, but the grocery store is a madhouse and the shelves are bare. Then she calls back and tells me that dad said to pack a bag of clothes in case we have to evacuate. Geezus. I'm really gettin concerned(scared) now, and the hurricane isn't supposed to reach land til Saturday. So now I have the task of trying to keep a straight head for the next two days. *prays*
Well, I'mma go TRY to chill and take a look at this Vibe mag with Lufa on the cover, and hope that I get a call from at least one of two people.
Oh and real friends show who they are, and non-friends.....well they do too. Thank goodness for my headphones cause my hip hop/soul never fails me.
Posted at 09:49 pm by
9.19.2005
Today - No structure
Today my dinner consisted of 5 spongey chicken nuggets and a couple of Lays potato chips. Sux, but that's all I had time for. And it seems like that's how I'll be eating for the rest of the week as well. Just not enough time between work and school for me to even relax. I'm makin good grades though. (Got a 'B' on my Ethics paper)
I wonder how many people actully think or have thought along the lines of....."things ain't ever gonna change for me....so just forget me." I've thought about that pertaining to a certain subject. Whereas I used to feel that my life would be filled with love from a husband and children, sometimes, now, I feel like maybe I won't have them...but....it being my fault. Not letting anyone get close to me. Sometimes I feel like the only person I can talk to about is Tim because he knows everything about me. It's not as hard because....he's been there. *sigh* I know this is all rather vague, and unfortunately it will continue to be so, on this matter because I just needed to get a lil bit off my chest w/o going into details. And if any of y'all are thinkin about askin me what's up, don't even bother. As much as people say they are your friends, you never really know, ya know? I ain't never met none of y'all. I don't know who would REALLY have my back no matter what. However...I would consider exposing my soul to one person....but even that would be hard.
Things I have to do this week:
- Tues - Work, Email Word Project, Study for test, class, BIO Lab Practical Exam
- Wed - Work, take digicam in for repairs, Visit step-dad to go over 401-K Plan, call around for prices for auto-work.
- Thurs - Work, Gym, Class
- Fri - Work, Hair appt, buy outfit for Baptism, read chapter on Feminism for Ethics.
- Sat - Baptize Isaiah
And in between - study, study, study.....
Posted at 10:42 pm by
9.18.2005
Keep On Keepin On =D
Been hittin them trials and tribulations as we all do. I just keep trying to focus on school and work and what I gotta do to get this damn apartment, and life just...keeps....shovin me, man. In more ways than one, tryin' to push me off the track I'm on, but I tied a rope to that bitch! I see it like this:
I've been wanderin' 'round in the dark
Been lost somewhere where no light could shine on my heart
I have known a pain so deep
But I know my faith will free me
And I'll get through this
I'll find my way again
So don't tell me that it's over
'Cause each step just gets me closer
I will get there
I will get there somehow
Cross that river
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side
(Get there) Get there
(Get there) Get there
I've been in these chains for so long
I'll break free and I'll be there where I belong
Hold my head up high, I'll stand tall
And I swear this time I won't fall
I will do this
No matter what it takes
'Cause I know no limitations
And I'll reach my destination, I will get there
I will get there
I will get there somehow
Cross that river
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side
(Ooh, get there) Get there
(Get there) Get there
Well, the night is cold and dark
But somewhere the sun is shining
And I'll feel it shine on me
I'll keep tryin', I'll keep tryin'
I will get there
I will get there somehow
Cross that river
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side
Get there, get there
***
Boyz II Men
So ya know...that's my story...and that's my motivation.
I made a 94 on my BIO Exam, and I get my Ethics paper back tomorrow, but I'm not worried about that either. I'm a lil concerned about my Lab Practical on Tuesday, but I'mma handle that as well. I'm workin like it ain't nothin, but the obstacles come when I'm NOT doin those things, ya know? If ya don't...process of elimination, people. So anyway...once again, sorry for the delay, thanks for stoppin by (don't know how much I appreciate it) and feed ya brain; go buy The Minstrel Show by Little Brother.
Oh yeah, I made this after an emotional rant on my life's passion. If you don't understand...there's nothin more to be said; and if you do......there's nothin more to be said! ;)
Lataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..................
Posted at 09:58 pm by
9.7.2005
If you see what I see, then free ya mind!
That title is just a lyric from Follow The Leaders by none other than So.Au. (check the link in PROMO!) I just can't get that damn song out of my head. So anyway, I know it's been a heck of a long time since I updated, I just loved checkin back and seeing Lyfe and John Legend all over my screen. *sighs* ha..j/k, but aren't they yummy? LOL..so the real reason why I haven't updated is:
1. I've been MAD busy. With work and school, I hardly have any free time these days, so I don't spend much time on the computer. Even on the days I don't have class, I find myself in the library studying. (which is what I'm supposed to be doing right now, but if I didn't do this now,I prob never would have.) However, the one spot you can always find me checkin into is 360, so now ya know.
2. Every time I felt like blogging or had something to blog about, I was either no where near a computer or just simply could not get on and do so. So by the time i got to a computer, the urge/idea was gone. Sue me. (nah don't, I need the money. Besides, you'd lose =D)
Okay so anyway, here I am, and as you've prob come to find that everytime its been a long ass while since I've blogged, I just break the blog down into sections and speak on them thangs, so not to break habit, here we go.
San Antonio and Hurricane Katrina.
It does my heart good to see how my city has pulled together to help these people as best we can. We've held donation drives, food drives, clothing drives, putting people in school, gettin them jobs and medicare...etc. However, the stories I'm hearing are not so good. I'm hearing about how some of these people have already been spotted selling/buying crack @ a corner store by one of the shelters, and a bus drive shuttling people to San Antonio was scared as hell because some guys were up in the bus getting real rowdy, calling her a bitch and tellin her to take them to Cali cause they didn't want to be in Texas. She had to pull over and have security escort them out 'cause she was so scared. I knew when the evacuees were going to be coming to San Antonio that there would be some major changes. Especially since a lot of the people are saying that they just want to start over here in SA instead of going back to La. But damn, everytime I hear from someone who was out there at one of the shelters, they're talking about how "the people there are baaad. Loud and violent." Now, I'm not one to bad mouth ALL of them because a few people wanna fuck it up for everyone else...I just pray to God that the drug/crime rate doesn't jump the hell off.
No Car/Maybe an Apartment.
My momma doesn't want to get a bigger house, and I just don't have enough space, privacy, or quiet time. So, I'm thinking about keeping the Avenger and possibly finding a small apartment for myself. Maybe efficiency, maybe studio...I dunno, I haven't decided yet. I'm still trying to see if I can go w/o it cause Lord knows I'd like to save that money, but I always end up having to find a place to study cause I can't do it at home, yet if I got my own place, I wouldn't even be there 3days/nights out of the week. Oy vey. So, I'm using this week and next week to see how I can cope with what I already have dealt out or if I should start looking for a place to stay.
Kanye West.
Kanye is "dat nigga." Buy his album, get a t-shirt. Nuff said. You want more, hit me up.
School
School is going well. The same guy who sat next to me in BIO lecture, also sat next to me in BIO lab, so that keeps the communication going, which is excellent because I feel more comfortable asking him questions and vice versa. The labs are fun w/ him and we help each other out a lot, so I thank him for that, but we've both said that neither of us are ready for the BIO Lecture Exam tomorrow. (gets queasy) My comp class is coo except I gotta remember all the hardware and what they do and that stuff, I'm not too familiar with, so I WILL have to study that cause we have a test comin up on Tuesday. I also have a paper I have to write for my Philosophy: Ethics class (which I love) that is due on Monday, so yeah I gota lot of work to do and should be doing it intead of sitting here typing this. LOL
My Birthday.
Yes, tomorrow is my birthday and I will be 24. I know that's young, but everyone is making me feel so damn old. Damn all of them! Anyway, I think my mom wants to go to lunch or something on a weekend, and my girls called me last night, so we'll prob just hang out or something. We don't do the club thing and no matter what they say, I WILL NOT be getting drunk. WHY??? because I don't want to, punks. =D But yeah, as you can see, I'm not really excited about it cause well, I just got way too much other stuff to think about, but we'll see what happens.
Dreaming About Simon.
For the past couple of years I've been having sporadic dreams starring none other than my grade school crush, Simon. We liked each other in elementary school, then just kind've went our separate ways in middle school, then I was forced to attend a diff HS than he and the rest of my friends. So I hadn't seen him SINCE middle school until my junior year in HS. I went to a football for their school, and bumped into him. We said hi and chit chatted, but it was weird cause I had immediately gotten so shy. *d'oh!" So anyway, that was the last time I saw him for some unexplained reason, he just keeps appearing in my dreams. The latest was last night, and in all of them, we're a couple. Mad crazy, since I haven't seen/heard from him in years and have NO idea where the dude might be. *shrugs*
Okay, so that's all I'mma let y'all in on for now. Oh yeah, I also took some pics of San Juan when we went down there two weekends ago, but I'll post them next time. So till then...don't forget me.
XOXOXOXO
Posted at 03:48 pm by
8.13.2005
Get Lifted Tour
Yo! I attended the concert last night, and boy is my body hurtin! We stood in one line for an hour, then another line for another hour, then we finally got to the stage and stood for another damn hour before the concert started @ 9PM. I couldn't even feel my feet anymore! But anyway...
LYFE JENNINGS
Lyfe came out first of course. WHooooooo that man can SANG! He sang My Life, Stick Up Kid, Made Up My Mind, Cry, Must Be Nice, then he brought his "vocal assistants" up front, and they sang a lil song about hoping they encouraged us to change our lives for the better. That man is the damn truth, I'm tellin y'all. He's mad coo and down to earth. After his set, I made my way through the crowd to the merchandise tent where he was gonna be signing autographs. Dude came out and was like a foot away from me. My mouth just dropped cause he came out of nowhere. LOL, and right when I was gonna say something to him, a body guard stood between us. F'n bastid. LOL. I bought a rag with his album cover on it and got it signed. I got to touch his hand, and wanted to get a hug, but they started rushin us cause there were too many people before me talking to him and gettin hugs. UGH that sucked. Here are the pics from that.
JOHN LEGEND
Okay, first off, this man is GORGEOUS! Photos and television do him NO JUSTICE. And as you will see, he's nice and cut too. SO I was able to make my way back to my friends up in the front of the crowd in time to see John (thank the Lord). First they played a video for Number 1 on a projector screen, then he came out singing the Get Lifted Again interlude, then started up with Get Lifted, Used to Love You, and Alright. Then he sang two oldies songs, "Good Lovin" and a song from the Isley Brothers, and at the end of that he sang the chorus of It Don't Have to Change. Then he was tellin us about the songs he did behind the scenes before he had his own album, and played snippets from those songs and sang his Selfish Remix. Then he did a lil impression of Snoop Dogg (too damn funny) which led him into I Can Change, then Ordinary People, So High and he closed out with Get Lifted. We cheered him backonstage for an encore of Stay With You and Refuge. He is so coo and SILLY.
Well, hope y'all enjoyed the photos. I had a great time and am still gettin butterflies everytime I remember how Lyfe looked up and directly at me when he gave back my signed rag. While they were singing, I was just in such admiration of these brothas. So much talent, energy, and Lyfe is just a beautiful spirit point blank. I'm so glad I got to attend and experience my two fave singers live. One of several simple yet incredible blessings. Smile...smile...smile....
Posted at 02:50 pm by
8.4.2005
=)
Hey People! Nothin much to speak on lately. Work is going well, and I've made about 10 hours over time @ my new pay rate which will be EXCELLENT come Wed.
I've decided to keep my Avenger and fix it up. I can't wait to get started, but unfortunately, I will have to cause I gotta handle some things with money first. Tis gonna take a good ass while (and a good amount of money) to get everything done, but I'm excited about it, and already am doing my research on parts and stuff. =)
My tattoo is lookin good and started peeling today. It itches like hell too! I'm still laughin @ Ced (Cgats) tellin me to slap it. OMG that was funny. I think I might be getting the LOVE one in the next few months as well. ;)
Um Um...what else. That's pretty much it except that in one week I'll be falling in love with Lyfe Jennings and John Legend as they perform right in front of me. *exhales* OH yeah and I SHOULD be getting my celly next week. As soon as I decide whether I want to go with Cingular or Sprint.
Welp, it's 10:30 PM, which means I should be in bed. (Shuddup Cheddarick) Lets see what the weekend brings!
Posted at 10:35 pm by
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